The Undisputed Truth

I saw two movies today. Crank 2 and Fast and the Furious 4. I feel brain-damaged now.

Fast and the Furious 4 was predictable to say the least, fast cars, hot girls, “hot” guys, speeding, punching, mindless shallow stuff that I can tolerate.

Crank 2 on the other hand is in a class of its own. Crank 2 is the most outrageous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Do not watch this if you suffer from heart problems or after drinking a Red Bull. You would most likely either die or go into “full-body” Tourette’s just like one of the movie’s supporting character

Crank 1 was pretty crazy, but Crank 2 just made no damn sense whatsoever. It was like a very dirty cartoon or crazy anime. Almost every minute is an offensive, outrageous image on screen. I  said WTF atleast 50 times at the cinema (CC8 unfortunately), sat there with my mouth open in disbelief, shook my head in disbelief, covered my eyes, and for the first time, looking around at the audience to see their reaction of the absolute nonsensical, “LETS-JUST-WOW-THEM-WITH-EXTREME-VIOLENCE-AND-OUTRAGEOUS-SCENES” chaos on screen.
The swearing was excessive and unnecessary. Even the C-word for vagina was used atleast 5 times. WTF? How did this make it the theaters without being rated X or something?

Some of the most outrageous, unbelievable bullshit from Crank 2 include :

• Well the movie itself is stupid, Jason Statham’s character Chev Chelios survived falling almost a mile out of a helicopter. I couldn’t believe it at first, but now seeing it on screen just wowed me.
• A Vietnamese prostitute who played something like a supporting actor cursed repeatedly even though she could hardly speak English
• Again there was a scene of public sex like in Crank 1 except it was so bad parts had to be edited out and it was longer, more outrageous and either more entertaining or shocking than the first one.
• There were topless strippers with guns who shot at people
• One of the strippers silicone breasts were shot at and it leaked out silicone
• The other guy who jumped out of the helicopter with Chev Chelios apparently survived as well (explaining would be a spoiler)
• There was a scene where Jason Statham turned into a super deformed Godzilla-like version of himself and fought a gang member. No I’m not kidding
• The Vietnamese prostitute got knocked down at full speed by a car and survived without injuries.
• A character playing a recurring role from Crank 1 was killed from a ricochetted bullet shot from like 2 miles away “Wanted” style.
• The therapist talking to the character shot from the ricochetted bullet instantly vomitted “on the camera” after he was shot
• One of the supporting characters is apparently a pimp and a medical genius at the same time.

And many, many, many more scenes which I can’t remember.  This wasn’t an action movie, it was an exploitation film.

Anyone who thinks this movie was awesome is psychopathic and needs help.

It seems as if controversy > quality these days for Hollywood.